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Loved and Adored...Keeping It Real

Since I was a teenager, I have obsessed over my weight. I was a normal-weight child growing up. I was taller than a lot of my friends, which added to making me feel bigger, but I wasn't overweight. When I was in 5th grade, however, I lost 11 pounds and all of my "baby weight."

I've always played sports and exercised and it was around that time that I started eating healthier. Unfortunately, I was constantly critical of how I looked, comparing myself to others, and feared gaining weight. I have the most amazing, supportive, and loving parents -- this was totally from the things I heard in the world around me. I was a perfectionist and this was just a piece of it.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7b-9, the apostle Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh: "So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." For so long, I considered my body image issues to be the thorn in my flesh -- something I would always deal with, but that God would use to keep me relying on him.

I eventually went to counseling to work on my perfectionist issues and my first heart-to-heart talk with my husband (we were just starting our friendship) was about my struggle with body image -- something that I never confessed to anyone (although I'm sure they all knew it). It was a sign that God was working in me, but I continued to struggle to see myself as God sees me.

Fast forward 6.5 years...November 20, 2011, my second child, my little girl was born. I always thought that I wanted all boys, but God knew that I needed a girl. I realized immediately that I never wanted my little girl to struggle with body image issues like I had. I stopped criticizing myself every time I looked in the mirror and, instead, chose to the beautiful ways God had made me, marveling in the new curves left from carrying two children, remembering that I was in my 30s and not 18 ;), and thankful that I was fit and healthy.

My journey has brought me to a place of truly understanding what it means to be healthy and be strong. On those days when I don't feel my greatest, I pray to God to change my heart and see through his eyes, and I push the negative thoughts out of my mind before they can take hold of me.

And I never talk about my looks or weight in a negative way to anyone. I am thankful for how God has made me. I am his child. I am adored. I am loved.

My husband loves me and adores me as I am and so does my Lord. That's all I need.

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