So, yesterday was my 27th birthday. I can't believe that I am 27! My birthday has been wonderful. It's amazing how birthdays change as you get older. When you're younger, it seems to be more about popularity, and you base the quality of your birthday on how many people know, etc. Now it's different. I'm overwhelmed with all the birthday phone calls and cards I've received -- all meaningful and heartfelt. I'm realizing how much I am loved. My heart is full. The Lord has richly blessed me and I feel his love through all of you. Thank you.
I've come to the revelation that I don't love people (other than my family, which I love fiercely). I'm not trying to be funny and I'm not being mean. I care for people and I genuinely show love and care, but deep down in my sinful, deprived soul, I don't truly love people. Let me explain... I've been hurt a lot by friendships. Numerous times I have let my guard down and tried to be real, just to have those people walk away from me for no reason. So I've put up walls and guarded my heart. I'll share only what is safe, but I struggle to be vulnerable and real. Years ago I went to counseling to help me with being more vulnerable (and my perfectionist nature). I grew a lot and after about a year, I connected with my future husband and allowed my walls to come down. I praise the Lord for him and allowing me to be real. My husband is a gift from God, but I still struggle with my female friendships. Guy friendships always seem to be easier to me. Maybe it ...
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