Health & Free Living

I got quite a response from my last post, so I decided to write a follow-up. If you haven't read it yet, you might want to go back and read the post "Forgiven and Free." I was talking with a friend this past Friday during a play date and she mentioned how much she could resonate with what I wrote in my post and how hard it can be to see the good amid the bad. She was so right. It is easy for me to get caught up in how I get hurt and in the fear of being hurt, that I shut myself off from the good as well as the bad. I don't call the people that are important. I don't work to develop my good friends. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to the good people for my inability to connect and be there for you -- for not calling, setting up times to get together, putting myself out there. I have cocooned myself from the world and I am wrong. I have been trapped by my fear and it has kept me from love. I feel like Elsa at the end of Frozen where she learns that love can th...

I've come to the revelation that I don't love people (other than my family, which I love fiercely). I'm not trying to be funny and I'm not being mean. I care for people and I genuinely show love and care, but deep down in my sinful, deprived soul, I don't truly love people. Let me explain... I've been hurt a lot by friendships. Numerous times I have let my guard down and tried to be real, just to have those people walk away from me for no reason. So I've put up walls and guarded my heart. I'll share only what is safe, but I struggle to be vulnerable and real. Years ago I went to counseling to help me with being more vulnerable (and my perfectionist nature). I grew a lot and after about a year, I connected with my future husband and allowed my walls to come down. I praise the Lord for him and allowing me to be real. My husband is a gift from God, but I still struggle with my female friendships. Guy friendships always seem to be easier to me. Maybe it ...